Good Help Is Hard To Find
by Sunoko
Summary: Alucard, Seras, and the fine art of playing with one's food. No pairings, but an OC.


I don't own Hellsing- that belongs to Hirano and Dark Horse and whomever has the rights to the anime. Manga-verse, set shortly after the attack on Hellsing Headquarters by Luke and Jan.

* * *

Polly Shore was sitting uncertainly in the pristine office of Mrs. Edna Plunkett, head maid at the Hellsing Organisation Headquarters in London. Mrs. Plunkett, a large, older matron, had her steely gaze fixed on the nervous youth. 

"So you're the new maid Carrie told me about, eh? Well, you don't look like much, but we need the staff." The woman stood up from her heavy desk, looking the girl up and down. Polly sat up a little straighter, hoping to make a good impression. Mrs. Plunkett didn't seem like the kind to be very easily impressed. The large woman's lip curled, and she began pacing around the girl like a caged predator. "Very well. There are several rules in this office that you are to follow to the letter, without question; do I make myself clear?"

"Y-yes, Mrs. Plunkett," Polly replied, nearly crying out of nerves.

"Indeed. You report directly to me every day. I am the highest person of authority you are to come in contact with. You will be assigned several rooms to clean each day- those that you complete, you will fill out on this chart." The large woman gestured to a chart with a bunch of names on it. Polly nodded obediently. So far, so good. "You are NOT, and I repeat, NOT to disturb Sir Hellsing, no matter what. The same applies to Mr. Dornez, the butler, Mr. Fairchild, the main secretary, and any other personnel you may chance to come across. Any crises will be reported to me. You are NOT to distract the soldiers."

_Soldiers?_ Polly thought. _What kind of office has its own personal army?_ Mrs. Plunkett continued, oblivious to Polly's thoughts. "You are to be as a mouse- unseen and unheard by all, but the evidence of your presence should be obvious."

"Er, yes, Mrs. Plunkett," Polly responded uncertainly. _I guess she just wants me to clean the place well. Why can't the old biddy just come out and say it? I'm not a moron._

"You are to leave this manor every day a half an hour before sundown, which today is at 6:43 PM. You are to arrive a half an hour after sunup. It is at your own risk that you break these rules. It is your responsibility to ensure that you are PROMPT. Tardiness and loitering will get you fired." Mrs. Plunkett glared so hard at Polly that the new maid was too terrified to even think about the strangeness of the rule. "And, perhaps the most important of all, you enter the basement chambers at your own peril. You have been warned. We are not responsible for anything that occurs should you break that rule. Is that understood?" she barked.

Polly yelped. "Ah! Y-yes, Mrs. Plunkett!"

"Very well. Follow me, and I'll get you your supplies. You begin immediately." The large woman trundled off down the corridor, Polly following closely.

Several hours later, Polly was lost.

Mrs. Plunkett had dropped her off in a large drawing room on the third floor of the building, asked if the girl could find her way back, and walked off before Polly could even reply. Polly had cleaned as best and as quickly as she could; she certainly didn't want to be stuck in the building after sundown and she definitely didn't want to face Mrs. Plunkett any more that absolutely necessary. The new maid left the room near spotless, and she was quite proud of herself. But as she gathered her things and began the long walk back to the Mrs. Plunkett's office, she realized she had no idea where she was going.

_Was it a left by the painting with the fruit, or was it right? I can't remember! Okay, m'girl, calm down; you can do this. Now I've walked down two flights of stairs already- or was it three? Oh, no!_ Polly allowed herself a quiet groan of panic. She decided that going down was a good idea- she was upstairs, after all. In her flustered state, Polly didn't notice that the large grandfather clock she passed read 6:07.

Polly wandered the halls desperately, her large bucket of supplies rattling loudly in the eerie silence. She didn't dare try any of the numerous doors she passed- Mrs. Plunkett's earlier lecture was echoing loudly in her ears. What if she interrupted a meeting? Or worse, what if she accidentally strolled into Sir Hellsing's office? Polly gulped down some of her growing fear, trying to steady herself. _Okay, I can do this. Stay calm, that's the ticket, just stay calm, girl._

She wandered by a window, the sunset casting her shadow down the long hallway. She stared out of the window for a few moments, wondering how it had gotten so late. _Have I really been wandering for so long? Well, it took me several hours to clean that enormous room, and I have been lost for a while... I really need to buy a watch. _The young maid peered out the window a second time, trying to get her bearings.

_This is good. I'm on the second floor. Wait… how did that happen? I guess it doesn't matter… Right then, Mrs. Plunkett's office is on the first floor in the west side of the building. I'm in the east wing, I think. So I just need to find a staircase. I think I passed one this way… _Polly wandered back the way she came, but after twenty minutes passed without finding a staircase, her confidence faded into anxiety.

_The window. I'll go back to that window, and I'll get my bearings from there. I turned here. I think. Oh, no… which way did I go? Have I walked by this already? I can't remember! _Had her sense of direction always been this horrid? She couldn't recall. _I'm still on the second floor, right? So if I keep on walking this way, I'll find something, right? Right…_ Setting the bucket down for a moment, Polly wiped her sweaty palms on her uniform's apron. Picking up the bucket and supplies once again, she set off, adrenaline causing her to walk at a near running pace.

As she walked, she noticed something suddenly. There was no one about, not a maid or servant or anyone, and it was truly disconcerting. _I'm all alone. I'm all alone in this giant mansion; there's no one here! Where IS everyone? I should have seen **someone** by now! I must have passed by somebody… and I just… didn't see them? No… there hasn't been anyone... They wouldn't lock me in, would they? Leave me here for the night? _Polly swallowed nervously, painfully aware of how alone she was. _No one would be able to hear me scream,_ she thought morbidly, fighting back a scared giggle.

It was getting late. The setting sun threw everything in the hallway into a high relief. Ordinarily Polly would have found it beautiful, but today, Mrs. Plunkett's words were echoing in her head_. It is at your own risk that you break these rules. It is at your own risk that you break these rules. _Whoever thought that employees would be _punished _for staying late? And exactly what would happen to her if she did break the rules? How bad could it be? Polly recalled Mrs. Plunkett's scowling face, and realized that it could be very bad, indeed.

_What if it were some sort of secret government torture chamber they were running here? And the people who stayed late were the ones submitted to the latest tests? No, that's ridiculous! The government wouldn't sanction such acts… would they? _

A loud creak down the hall made her jump in surprise. _It was probably just someone opening a door. Yes, that's all it was. Just because I haven't seen anyone yet doesn't mean there's no one here. Yes, right. It can't be anything else. _Her thoughts turned from governmental treachery to childish fears of the undead. Stories of ghosts and ghouls flitted through her head as the darkness grew deeper. Her grandmother used to say that such thing had power in the night, and all of those tales of demons and the undead immediately sprang to mind, despite her best efforts. _ There's no such thing as ghosts… right? No such thing as ghouls… no such thing… no such thing, no such thingnosuchthingnosuchthing… _

Night had officially fallen, and the ordinary objects in the hall cast grotesque, twisting shadows in the halls. Polly skittered through the endless halls, holding her cleaning supplies in front of her like a ward, panic rising in her throat. . The shadows reached out, _oh, God, they're going to get me, nonono, they can't get me, I don't believe in you, Our Father, Who Art In Heaven, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, Hail Mary, Full Of Grace, God protects me, I won't be hurt there's no such thing, there's no such thing, that shadow, oh God, it's chasing me, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, please!_ she thought frantically, positive that her heart was going to hammer straight out of her chest.

Panicked, Polly started running, down stairs and corridors, trying to get away from the darkness, to get to _people_, to MamaDadDavidJennysomebody_anybodysomeoneanyone-_

She crashed into something hard and red, knocking her to the ground and scattering her supplies all over the stone floor. "Oowww…" she said, dazed.

"Dear me. A mouse seems to have gotten lost," said a voice somewhere above her. Polly shook her head, as if to clear it, and blinked.

"Thank God!" she cried, leaping to her feet and throwing her arms around the stranger. "There was no one; it was so quiet and alone and this place, this _place-_" The person she was hugging chuckled softly, and Polly remembered immediately her station; flooding relief or not, this was _most_ improper conduct. To recover, she quickly ducked into a curtsey, staring at her saviour's odd boots.

"Forgive me, sir. If you would be so kind as to direct me to Mrs. Plunkett's office, I would be most obliged." She glanced up and saw a very handsome, if somewhat leering and mocking face. A curious pair of red sunglasses hid his eyes, and he wore a very strange hat and coat. Could he be…?

"The little mouse can't find her hole? A terrible shame, that. Cats often pounce on lost little mice." He leaned in closer, grinning that predatory grin at her. She backed up involuntarily, wondering if everyone was out to get her today.

"Ah, yes, well, today's my first day so it stands to reason that I'd get lost, after all this is an extraordinarily large building, and there are so many corridors that look very much the same; I mean, that is, I don't suppose you could put up signs or hand out maps or maybe just give out balls of string so we could trace our way back out," Polly babbled, hastily retreating from her creepy savior. His demeanor, casual, comfortable, superior, and mocking, set her on edge, and her instincts nearly screamed that she escape.

"Hoh? As it is, the visitors we receive, while few in number, know their way around the building perfectly. From a business standpoint, at the very least, I don't think handing out the schematics for the building is such a good idea, especially if it is only you, little mouse, who need them. What trouble you would be in if they were," he said, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, "misplaced?"

"Uhm, y-yes, I do suppose that is, ah, true?" she said, backing up against the wall and trying to hide behind her bucket. The cold, hard stone of the wall pressed into her back. As if a bolt of lightning had struck her brain, she realized where she was. "Th-this is the basement, isn't it?" she whispered in terror.

"Ah, perhaps the little mouse isn't as lost as she pretends to be! But now that she knows where she is, what shall she do, hmm?" He laughed quietly at her panicked and frantic eyes as she desperately searched for an escape. "Oh, what a shame! The little mouse doesn't seem to want to stay and play. The night is so young, after all." He leaned in closely and his breath tickled her cheek. He smelled so strange, so utterly wrong, almost like rotten meat or blood. A terrified gasp quietly escaped her lips as his teeth gently scraped along her jaw in a mockery of a lover's caress. _Oh, God above,_ she thought as she shook like a leaf. _He's going to kill me! He's going to KILL ME! _She frantically willed her legs to work, but she felt heavy and rooted to the spot. She felt his mouth move onto her throat, just where her jugular was. Polly was too terrified to even scream.

"Master! What on _earth_ are you _doing?_ Who _is_ that, anyway?" an angry female voice called out. Polly peeked timidly over the man's red clad shoulder and saw a young woman with orange hair glaring at them.

The man pulled back and turned to look at the new woman. "Must you ruin a perfectly good dinner, Police Girl?" he asked, sounding like a petulant child.

"Master! I can't believe you'd even _think _of turning her! Besides, didn't you already eat? Sir Hellsing is going to be furious with you!" the young woman snapped, her hands fisted on her hips. "This girl is on staff here! You _know_ better!"

The man glared at her. "Know your place, Draculina. You are hardly one to lecture _me,_" he snarled softly, menace dripping from his voice.

The orange haired woman quaked slightly, but stood her ground. "Y-yes, well, _you_ shouldn't need lecturing!"

The man barked out an amused laugh. "Very well. You indeed are becoming bolder. Excellent. You may do with the little mouse as you wish," he said, grinning his Cheshire grin. "I'm going back to bed." He vanished into the wall. Polly would have screamed, but all she could manage was a pathetic whimper.

"Huh? But Master!" The woman groaned. "Oh, damn him! He's so _impossible_! Anyway, who are you?" she said, turning to look Polly over.

"M-my name, ma'am, is Polly Shore. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Today's my first day working here and I got lost and-" Polly babbled out, starting to bawl and shaking with nerves. The other woman looked surprised and uncomfortable.

"Oh, don't cry, please! It's okay! My name is Seras Victoria. Let's get you back upstairs, okay?" Seras timidly patted Polly's shoulder in reassurance. Polly gave Seras a watery, snot covered, weak smile.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you very much," she said, following as Seras led the way out of the basement. "Ah, I don't suppose you could not mention this to Mrs. Plunkett or Mr. Dornez or any one else, could you? I don't want to get fired."

"Oh, no problem! Don't worry, when I first got here, I got lost all the time!" Seras said cheerfully. "So, I'm guessing you're a maid here? We never see them around, you know. You're the first one I've actually seen! That's really impressive."

"Ah, y- yes, ma'am," Polly replied, trailing behind the orange haired woman by a few paces. Her bucket and cleaning supplies clanked loudly in the eerie darkness, echoing down the halls. Polly shuddered and fought back a wave of terror. The last time she had flown off in a blind panic, she had rushed into that… that… _man's_ deadly embrace. Who was this woman? She obviously knew _him_, somehow. Polly suddenly wondered if she was out of the frying pan and into the fire. What if this new woman was going to do something worse than kill? Polly slowed her pace and put more distance between the two of them. "I-if you don't mind me asking, ma'am, who are you?"

Seras stared at her. "What kind of a question is that?" she asked curiously. Polly suddenly noticed that the mini-skirt clad woman had _red eyes. _

"I- I mean, you… an- an- and that…_man_," Polly said slowly, the terror coming back to her in a rush. Her legs suddenly felt like jelly, and she plopped down hard on the ground. "Oh, God above, he was going to kill me. HE WAS GOING TO KILL ME! What _is_ this place? Who _are_ you people? WHAT are you people? Don't hurt me, please!" the maid wailed, hyperventilating. "I have a mom and a dad and a family who need me, I can't leave them, oh, please, please, don't hurt me!"

"I'm not going to hurt you!" Seras had to shout to be heard over the loud sobbing. "Must you be so hysterical? Please, calm down! I don't want to get in trouble with Sir Hellsing! I'm going to help you, but you must calm down." Polly felt her head being lifted, and Seras forced Polly to stare into her strange red eyes.

"Oh… okay…" Polly said dreamily. She suddenly felt so... odd. Sleepy and peaceful and completely trusting of this new woman. Something in the back of her mind screamed that she was in Very Great Danger, and that these feelings were not natural, but Polly couldn't bring herself to listen. Whatever was happening obviously affected the other woman; Polly noticed detachedly that Seras had the same look in her eyes as the man in red had when he was about to bite her throat-

Everything came back to her in a rush- the panic, the terror, and the near-death experience. The sleepy, dreamy feeling vanished as quickly as it came as Polly blinked. The strange connection was lost. Seras, too, was obviously caught unawares by what had happened.

"R-right, then. The maid's office is this way." She walked off at a brisk pace- Polly was nearly running to keep up with her. Neither woman dared look at the other, and the air between them was filled with a tense, slightly uncomfortable silence. Once again, the halls were filled only with the sound of footsteps and Polly's clanking bucket and cleaning supplies.

After they reached Mrs. Plunkett's office, Seras turned to leave. Polly realized with a sudden jolt that she didn't know the way out. "Ah, Ms. Seras, ma'am," she began sheepishly. Seras turned to look at her, but quickly dropped her gaze to the floor. "I… I don't suppose you'd know the way to the gate from here? I can't seem to recall where the entrance is."

Seras looked up in shock, a small smile tugging at her lips. "You really are bad with directions, aren't you?" Polly's face burned with shame and embarrassment as she studied her shoes. "Master can afford to wait a little bit longer. All right, let's go!"

The two walked together once again, but this time, Seras chatted about little the weather and other such trivialities. By the time they reached the gate, a tentative peace was made between the two women.

Seras waved Polly goodbye at the gate, and then she disappeared into the gloomy shadows surrounding Hellsing Headquarters. Polly shivered in the warm summer night, started up her small car, and drove home.

Perhaps she'd look for a job someplace safer and less secretive. She idly wondered if MI-6 needed any maids.

* * *

Major thanks to Sabine, who helped me make this worthy for public viewing.

I wrote this because I always wondered exactly who the menial tasks at Hellsing went to- you know, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. Walter may be the butler, but he can't do it all! And how would you hire staff to clean a house with two vampires lurking in the basement? Like? Hate? Make my day and drop me a review!


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